Breastfeeding an Adopted Baby

Anyone who blogs will tell you that you have to constantly consider the fact that you might be telling the whole world too much personal information and that we bloggers generally fall on the side of caution. I have decided to throw caution to the wind on this particular subject and share my personal experience about breastfeeding our adopted son. I have been quiet about it for years (most people aren't ready to talk about this yet) but more and more it feels important to share our experience for other adoptive parents, Parent Educators, Doulas, Doctors and Midwives who may be wondering about the possibilities and outcomes. 

When we found out a birth mom had chosen us to be her baby's family a million things ran through our mind and one of the many things we wondered was - is breastfeeding possible for a woman who has not gone through a pregnancy? After reading some information online we saw that it was

(well, sort of) possible and with that, and some help from La Leche League (yeah to the ladies of La Leche League!), we knew we wanted to try. I made a few phone calls and ended up talking to a Mom in the Fraser Valley who had successfully breastfed two adopted newborns. "It can be done but it is NOT easy" she warned. She attributed her own success to having had a biological baby several years before her first adopted baby and she was convinced she had such good production because her "body remembered what to do" when the adopted baby latched on. When she realized I was genuinely devoted to the idea, a wealth of great information came pouring out and I feverishly wrote everything down. She told me that most woman who attempt this start months in advance to be able to produce breast milk and cautioned me to not expect too much. I only had four weeks.

On her advice, I went to my doctor right away to talk to him about Domperidone (my husband always lovingly called it "dom perignon") She explained that high doses of this medication had a side affect of lactation. I approached my doctor with this information and he was very hesitant at first. "How do you know for sure the baby is really coming?"he asked. "I don't" I answered honestly. He too must have heard the seriousness in my voice because he conferenced the other doctors in his practice, did some research on dosages then prescribed the medication. I started it that day and then went on to the second step, pumping as much as possible, as often as possible. This was completely foreign to me and I felt  silly sitting there attached to a double breast pump with nothing coming out (of course) but my husband supported me and we pushed on. Then, out of the blue, we got a call that baby was here two weeks early! They had to do an emergency c-section because baby was breech and then the nurse went on to say he was underweight (birth mom smoked), a bit "undernourished" and having trouble with the suck-swallow reflex. He also wasn't maintaining his body temperature and had to stay under a warmer. The doctor reassured us that he would be OK but that he was not pink and chubby like babies should be. We threw some things in a bag, hopped in the car and tried to decide on a name for our little boy on the speedy drive to Kelowna. Half the way there we got another call from a nurse asking if it was OK if birth mom breast fed our baby. "Good heavens YES!" I yelled into the phone. I could appreciate that they were trying to be cautious with the situation but here I was pumping nothing and birth mom wanted to feed our "not thriving" baby? She hadn't smoked in over twelve hours and the doctor said he was fine with it if it was OK with us. When we got to the hospital birth Mom had tried to feed him but he wouldn't latch on and so when she and I were alone I asked her if she wanted to try again. She said she did and while trying to help her get him to latch on I told her I was going to make an attempt at  breastfeeding him. She immediately started to cry and professed to me that it was one of the reasons she was feeling guilty about the adoption plan because she knew he wouldn't be able to get breast milk. There I stood, expecting to have to explain to her and reassure her that it was alright for me to do this and the very inexperienced and young woman sitting in front of me didn't need explanation. She not only understood why I wanted to, she found solace in the fact I was I was going to try. I sat on the bed next to her and wrapped my arms around her and our little boy and told her not to expect me to produce much of anything but that I would definitely try and I felt her shoulders literally fall. "Very cool" she said right before she and our little guy drifted off to sleep.

When the next day came around and there was still trouble with him latching on I decided not to try to  try to get him to latch on to me until we had a god chance at it succeeding and the nutrition was more important to him right then. I kept pumping in the days that followed until I felt confident he was ready and was getting what he needed via formula. I would take every opportunity to hold our little boy to my chest wanting him to have that essential skin-to-skin contact and feel the powerful connection we had to him. When I finally tried "breast feeding"of course nothing much happened. Then a few days later I got a drop! Ever been excited over a drop of anything? I tried a few more times and he would latch on for a few minutes then get frustrated because, obviously, there was only a sip there Mom! We got a feeding tube and bag for the formula he needed (this too from the adoptive mom who breast fed her babies) and the awkward production began of my husband mixing up the formula, putting it in the bag and then taping the tube to my chest down to my nipple and then us trying to get tube and nipple into baby's mouth. It was frustrating but baby, Dad and I finally figured out how to make it work. I "breast fed" this way for about four weeks. We left town to visit family and I, unfortunately, forgot my medication so it took less than 24hrs for me to stop producing all together.  At the most, I only produced about half an ounce or so a day but that time he spent latched to me, and us to him, was priceless and I have not one regret. I continued to bottle feed him against my chest, without a shirt on every chance I got for many months after that.

If you are an adoptive parent considering breastfeeding a baby, here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Public perception of adoptive mothers breastfeeding has a LONG way to go. People found what we were doing very "strange" and really didn't know how to process it. Raised eyebrows and odd little comments were common and I realized after a while I was hiding to feed our baby and we weren't mentioning it anymore. We were tired, and a bit stressed, so we just kept it to ourselves and enjoyed that time together as a family. If I had been more prepared I would have pulled out my tube and bag breast feeding production and told them all where to go. Stand your ground and find your supporters early on.

2. Manage your expectations. My phone support Mom said "If you produce anything at all consider it success!" and she was right. I hadn't gone through the natural physical changes that a woman goes through to be able to breast feed so I mentally prepared myself to be our little boys "binky" and any milk he happened to get from me was simply a bonus. It was the importance of him being to breast that we focused on, not the success of the lactation. I have heard adoptive Moms producing everything a baby needs and some that produced nothing despite their efforts and medication. Don't expect to much of yourself and remember that your ability to lactate is most certainly not the measure of your mothering.

3. You have to have good, solid support to pull this off. It can get complicated, it can be stressful and you most definitely need four hands!  My husband was very committed to us doing this for our baby and he was THE reason we had any success at all. He got up many times in the night to fill the bag, get the tube and tape ready and then help me get baby latched on. His dedication to the process helped me stay focused.

My bit on it: Breast feeding your adopted baby isn't for everyone, but, I highly recommend it if you have the support. If you don't, or can't ,please don't worry just use any time that other mothers spend breast feeding, holding the baby to your skin. The skin-to-skin contact is so important for them and never underestimate how much you need it too.