It's not you...it's me?

Article by Kelly Spec, Registered Dietitian - Spectrum Nutrition
Instructor at Babymoon Parenting

Is your toddler a 'picky eater'?  Or not eating at all?  The biggest mistake I see parents make is thinking their child's picky eating is just the child's personality when in fact, the issue usually stems from how the parents are feeding their toddlers.

The process of feeding your child is based on a relationship and every relationship has a defined set of roles each person needs to follow for that relationship to work. Feeding your toddler is no exception.  The parents role in the relationship consists of being responsible for the What, Where and When toddlers are fed.  The toddler's role in the relationship is

to determine the What and How much they eat from what they are offered. This sounds like a relatively simple concept but this division of responsibility is one of the hardest skills for parents to master.

For parents it is about the foods you choose to offer to your toddler.  Following Canada's Food Guide and offering a variety of nutritious, whole grain foods, colourful fruits and vegetables, leans meats and an abundance of nutritious dairy products (or alternate) is definitely important, however, what if your child won't eat these things? The answer lies in the other two critical roles parents play  in the feeding relationship; the Where and the When. 

Where you offer foods to your toddler, whether its snack time or meal time, needs to be consistent.  The most obvious place would be the kitchen or dining room table. Having a consistent place where the only thing that happens in that place is eating will help your toddler learn the task he or she has to do when in this place.  Keep in mind that your toddler is learning the actual skill of eating.  It is important for parents to support this effort by removing unnecessary distractions and provide a space where toddlers can feel comfortable. This will allow them to do their job of choosing if and how much they are going to eat from they have been offered.

Just as with the Where, the When also needs to be consistent so that toddlers can learn to trust their parents to provide meals and snacks at predictable times.  Feeding your toddler in between meal or snack times has the unfortunate effect of creating a picky eater.  For example:  Sarah, who is 12 months old, never eats during meal times, her weight is dropping and her parents are worried.  Sarah happens to love 'bunny pasta' (Kraft dinner shaped like rabbits).  Because Sarah does not eat her meal during meal times, her parents make her bunny pasta after the family meal so that she will eat something. What's happening here is that Sarah is learning if she does not eat during meals she will not go hungry and she will get to eat what she wants after meal time; the bunny pasta.  Having meals and snacks at predictable times allows your toddler to assess whether he or she is hungry and choose whether or not to eat.  It also gives your toddler a confidence that if they choose not to eat they can trust you to provide the next meal or snack within a predictable time frame. Toddlers learn that they will not starve but will have to wait until the next scheduled snack or meal time to eat.  In this way, you can be assured that at the next scheduled meal or snack your toddler will come to the table hungry and better prepared to explore the foods offered. 

If parents do their job of providing a variety of foods at predictable times, in a predictable setting, toddlers can do their job of eating.  Children will not starve themselves (thank goodness this is an innate quality we are all born with!) but they do need their parent's trust to do their job of eating.  Now what?  Parents can gain the valuable skills they need to implement these concepts through Spectrum Nutrition's "Toddler Feeding Program" offered at Babymoon Parenting on Tuesday afternoons.  Contact Babymoon Parenting at 604.904.2229 for more details about our Baby and Toddler Feeding Programs.